


I miss you, Daddy

by writerofbaddecisions



Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: F/F, F/M, This is terrible i know
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-11
Updated: 2020-06-11
Packaged: 2021-03-04 03:55:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,766
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24657178
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/writerofbaddecisions/pseuds/writerofbaddecisions
Summary: no one asked for this , but this is 2.7k words of the baby ha growing up without her father.Don't kill me
Relationships: Athena Grant/Bobby Nash, Henrietta "Hen" Wilson/Karen Wilson, Maddie Buckley/Howie "Chimney" Han
Comments: 2
Kudos: 19





	I miss you, Daddy

**Author's Note:**

  * For [mamalovesherbagels](https://archiveofourown.org/users/mamalovesherbagels/gifts).



> so yeah , happy birthday ellie , hope I made you cry.

A little girl raced up the hill, through the lines of graves with passing names. Her chocolate hair ran the wind behind her, creating a cape behind her. Her mother called “Amelia! Slow Down!” Amelia slowed down, waiting for her mother to catch-up. They walked through the land , before her mother pointed out a grave. Her mother picked her up, carrying Amelia up on her hip. 

The mother, who was named Maddie , walked to the grave she hadn’t been to in so long. The last time she had been here, was the funeral of her boyfriend’s death. Everyone else had been caring for the grave , during that time telling her to “Raise Amelia, we’ll bring you to the grave when you’re ready.” Maddie decided that when their little girl turned 5, she could come to the grave. 

Maddie sat Amelia down , saying “Amelia , this is where Daddy is now. He’s laying right underneath us.” Amelia looked at Maddie, head turned in confusion. Maddie’s heart ached because  _ Amelia had Howie’s eyes _ . Amelia had always looked like her deceased father, but she already had her mother’s smarts and her father’s comedy.

Amelia said, “But mommy, you told me that Daddy was in the sky?” 

“Amelia, Daddy is in the sky and the ground!” 

“But, no one can be in two places at once.”

Maddie smiles at the innocent girl, someone that she used to be. 

“Well, Daddy was special. I’ll leave you to talk with Daddy, while I get the flowers.”

“Okay, Mommy,” Amelia replied.

When Maddie left, Amelia knelt down on the cold, hard stone looking at the words in front. She had just learned to read, but she knew how to read the words on the slab of stone in front of her.

“ _ Howard “Chimney” Han”  _

_ “We’re Not Saying Goodbye. It’s only for a minute” _

_ “1976-2020” _

Amelia turned around so that she and the stone were facing the same way, looking at the blue sky above them and she started talking.

“ _ Its been 5 years, Daddy  _

_ Mommy says you're safe now. _

_ In a beautiful place called Heaven.  _

_ Mommy let me eat cake! _

_ I ate it all up! _

_ And mommy didn't yell at me when I threw up because I ate too much _

_ Aunt Hen told me that you were a hero - _

Maddie had arrived with the flowers for them to plant, when she heard her daughter speaking to her father.

_ “Mommy's sad without you _

_ If you were a hero, you would comfort mommy  _

_ Wouldn't You?  _

_ Can you see me? I really miss you, Daddy.” _

At this point, big fat tears had begun rolling down Amelia’s cheeks , her mother quickly squatted down , wiped the tears away and hugged Amelia tight. Amelia grabbed her mother’s blouse and hid her face so no one else could see her sobs.

_ “I know baby, I miss him too.” _

They planted the flowers together, not noticing the smiling shadow lurking in the forest near them.

-

Maddie let Amelia go by herself to the grave for the first time when she was in the fifth grade. She nervously walked up the grave sitting on the top of the hill , looking back at her mother giving her encouraging nods and thumbs up. Her hands felt clammy and sweaty as she gripped the bouquet of blue hyacinths. When she reached the hill, she looked at the small garden growing there, the adults had already been there to visit, and now it was her turn. She turned around, plopping down on the only place where there weren’t any flowers growing so that she and the stone were facing the same way, looking at the blue sky above them and she started talking.

_ “It's been ten years Daddy I'm in fifth grade now. _

_ I really like computers, but math is hard. _

_ Mommy lets me sleep in one of your T-shirts. _

_ I think it still smells like you. _

_ I never got to know what your smell was like _

_ I don't need to sleep with the light on anymore. _

_ I try not to cry daddy but it still hurts. _

_ I really miss you, daddy. _

_ I saw a picture of you, Uncle Buck told me I had your smile _

_ Uncle Bobby said I look so much like you _

_ Im planting your favorite flowers , everyone is as well. _

_ I watched one of the tapes you left me” _

Before she and her mother had gone to the graveyard, she had been shown a video of her late father. She listened to her father’s voice, as he told her how proud he was and how sorry he was that he had never been able to take care of her.

She had almost completely balled her eyes out, and she wasn’t the only one. 

_ “I see the resemblance  _

_ Can you see me?” _

Amelia had managed to stay calm and not cry this time around, as she planted the hyacinths around the grave. She stood up, wiping her sweat on her dress, and ran down the hill to her mother. 

Her mother caught her, in her arms, and asked  _ “ How was it?” _ Amelia quickly responded with  _ “ Great.”  _

They never said anything about it at that time. And they both never noticed the sad shadow in the forest near them.

-

She went again by herself, her mother and relatives told her “You are old enough.”

She walked up the grave sitting on the top of the hill. Her hands felt clammy and sweaty as she gripped the bouquet of red roses. When she reached the hill , she looked at the small garden growing there, the adults had already been there to visit, and now it was her turn again. She turned around, plopping down on the only place where there weren’t any flowers growing at the moment so that she and the stone were facing the same way, looking at the blue sky above them and she started talking. She never what to talk about on these trips, so she always rambled about whatever crossed her mind at the moment. 

_ “It's been fifteen years daddy. _

_ I started high school. _

_ I made the honor roll, I always do _

_ I hope you’re proud of me. _

_ I'm also on the soccer team. _

_ Can you see me on the Field? _

_ I started thinking about colleges. _

_ Do you think I could be a doctor? _

_ Or a paramedic-firefighter like you? _

_ I know you'll be with me when I walk down the aisle. _

_ I try not to be sad. But it still hurts really bad. _

_ I hope you know you're my hero. _

_ I love you so much. _

_ Can you see m-e? “ _

She was glad that there was no-one around to witness the spectacle of her completely breaking down sobbing, soaking her sleeves of salty tears. She quickly planted the flowers, before racing down the hill to the car, she’d borrowed from Albert. A shadow watched as Amelia drove away, saying in a soft voice  _ “ I can see you, Amelia, I just wish you could see me.” _ Before they seemingly smiled a sad smile, leaving into the forest with a rustle.

-

She walked up the grave sitting on the top of the hill. Her hands always felt clammy and sweaty whenever she went to her father’s grave. This time, she brought with her a large bouquet of red roses, and blue hyacinths - like always. When she reached the hill, she looked at the small garden growing there, the adults had already been there to visit, and now it was her turn again. She turned around, plopping down on a patch of dying roses. Her mother, uncles, and aunts were growing old, so she and her cousins were one who had to take care of the graveyard next. She and the stone were facing the same way, looking at the grey sky above them and she started talking. 

_ “Its been 20 years daddy. _

_ I’m finishing med school _

_ I got into the firefighter academy _

_ I really want to help people,like you used to do _

_ You've always inspired me. _

_ I met a nice guy, _

_ Who's really special to me _

_ I think you would really like him. _

_ We talk about our life together _

_ Mom says he's a lot like you _

_ Mom was also crying when she met him _

_ I think of you every day _

_ Even though I only see you in pictures _

_ I'm still sad  _

_ But you make me strong  _

_ Can you see me?  _

_ I miss you daddy.” _

Amelia repeated the process of planting the flowers, wiping away the violently dripping tears, and racing down the hill to her car. When she got to her car, she heard a rustle come from the forest to the left of her. When she swirled around, instincts coming into play , she yelled “Who’s there?” No one answered, so she hopped in her car and drove away, not noticing the shadow in the forest. The shadow whispered again into the wind  _ “I’m sure he’s a special guy, and I’m so proud of you, Amelia Joy Han-Buckley.” _

-

She walked up the grave sitting on the top of the hill. Her hands had always felt clammy and sweaty whenever she went to her father’s grave on his death anniversary. But today wasn’t her father’s death anniversary, there was a different explanation for the visit to her father’s grave. She turned around, smoothing out the uniform she was wearing, plopping down on a patch of dying roses. She and the stone were facing the same way now, and she was looking at the grey sky above them. The stone never answered her conversations, most people found it odd that she would talk to a stone, but she always shut them up with  _ “That stone is the only thing I have left of my father. _ ”

So again, she started talking

“ _ It's been 30 years now daddy _

_ I started at the 118, your old place _

_ The chimney there still stands tall _

_ Your locker is still here, everything's been growing cobwebs _

_ Your pack of Mento’s is still here as well _

_ I'm sorry , I took your locker , they said it was the best option _

_ When I showed the extended family my uniform _

_ They all told me I looked like you _

_ Well except for Aunt Hen and Mommy _

_ They were crying really hard- _

It was true when Amelia had revealed the uniform, Maddie and Hen had burst out into tears because **_You look so much like him in that uniform_**. It didn’t help the tears, that the nameplate said Han on it.

_ “I got married to the boy from before _

_ We're planning on starting a family _

_ I know you would've wanted to be a grandfather _

_ I will always love you. will you?” _

Amelia repeated the process of planting the flowers, wiping away the dripping tears, and racing down the hill to her car. She hopped in her car and drove away, not noticing the shadow in the forest. The shadow whispered again into the wind  _ “ I’m so proud of you, Amelia Joy Han-Buckley. For preserving through life, even if it was without me” _

-

She walked up the grave sitting on the top of the hill for the uncountable number of times in her life. Her hands had always felt clammy and sweaty whenever she went to her father’s grave on his death anniversary. She turned around plopping down on a patch of dying roses, facing the same way as the stone now , and she was looking at the grey sky above them. The sky was always either grey like the color of her mom’s hair had been, or blue like the color of the hyacinths she always brought with to his grave.

“ _ It's been 40 years Daddy _

_ Mom passed away from cancer 2 weeks ago _

_ A month ago, Uncle Buck was killed in a fire, like the one that killed you _

_ I guess broken heart syndrome really does exist  _

_ Uncle Micheal’s cancer killed him last year  _

_ Uncle Bobby and Aunt Athena passed away a few years ago _

_ Aunt Karen passed away two days ago _

_ Aunt Hen is planning her funeral as she did yours _

_ My sons are here with me, May and Harry as well _

_ I guess we're in charge of keeping this graveyard alive now _

_ I never got to know you, dad, but you have shaped my life so much _

_ I hope you get to be with mom again in heaven _

_ Daddy? Can you hear me? I love you, and I miss you” _

Amelia repeated the process of planting the flowers, wiping away the violently dripping tears, and racing down the hill to her car. She hopped in her car and drove away, not noticing the shadow in the forest again. The shadow whispered again into the wind  _ “I’ll see you soon, baby, just hold on.” _

-

Amelia walked up to the hill, gripping the stems of the blood-red roses in her hands tightly. She reached the now growing garden and tombstones and found the one she was looking for again. The simple tombstone was surrounded by many colors of flowers, and to the right, was her mother, Maddie’s grave, and to the left was Aunt Hen’s, the last of the previous generation. The other gravestones were around the hill, covered by the colorful flowers decorating the top of it. 

Amelia sat down, groaning at the pain that she felt shoot up her leg. She faced the sky, like she always has done, the clouds moving above her. 

_ “It’s been 50 years Daddy  _

_ Aunt Hen is dead, old age got to her  _

_ My kids are all grown-up  _

_ I passed down your tapes  _

_ I hope you’re not mad about that” _

She smiled, her mother always told her that her father was the nicest person ever, he would never have raised his voice at her.

_ “Albert, May, and Harry are still here as well with me  _

_ This graveyard got renamed to the 118, I guess that’s nice  _

_ I know that I’ve lived longer than you at this rate  _

_ I know you were never a part of my life  _

_ Never got to watch me grow-up _

_ Never got to learn my first words _

_ I’ll tell my kids your stories  _

_ And everyone else’s  _

_ I’ll keep your legacy alive  _

_ Daddy, I miss you - so much”  _

Amelia got up from sitting on the grave and continued to plant the flowers for the other members of the family. When the small group finished their planting, they all got up and entered the taxi waiting for them. What they didn’t notice was the group of shadows near the graves. 

One of the shadows, said, “We taught them well.” The other one said, “Yeah, we did.” 

The shadows were the people of the graves the flowers were for.

-

_ ‘It’s been 80 years, Daddy” _

_ - _

Amelia woke up on a cloud, which is a dream she hasn’t had since she was a kid. She got up and looked around, the place resembled her childhood apartment, but the details were blurry. Her mother rushed into the room, and Amelia stupidly asked “Am I in Heaven?”

Her mom nodded her head, and simply dragged Amelia out of bed, something she hasn’t done since Amelia was a teenager. Amelia rubbed her eyes, and her mom stopped in what Amelia thinks is the old living room. A man is sitting on the couch, and when Amelia came in the door, he turned around to look at her. Even though Alzheimer’s had taken her memory, she had never forgotten her dad’s face. 

He was staring right at her now, and she could feel tears start to bubble in her eyes.

“Daddy?”

“Amelia!”

Her dad quickly swiped the tears that were leaking out of his eyes and rushed over Amelia. He wrapped his arms tight around her, crying into her blouse that she was wearing. Amelia grabbed onto her dad’s shirt, desperately gripping his shirt, like he would disappear if she let go. She wept tears of joy at finally meeting her father in real-life and not from a photo. Her mother stood nearby, and she could see that there was a crowd joining the joyful celebration. When they finally let go, her dad wiped a tear from her face , looking closely saying 

“You have my eyes! “ 

Amelia smiled back “Yeah!”

Her dad gripped her face tightly again , looking at the girl he never got to meet until this point. His own  _ flesh and blood! _

Her dad told Amelia “ I could always see you, I watched you grow up into a beautiful young lady. “ 

Her dad waved her mother over, to join in the hug, her mother bear-hugged her so hard, her ribs might have broken. 

Her mother tearfully said, “We’re a whole family now!”

  
“ **We are”**

**Author's Note:**

> don't kill me and I understand that this is horrible


End file.
